First her voice fades off, not quite into the distance as she is still only a couple feet away from him, but it mysteriously lingers slowly as it recedes from his auditory awareness and echoes into an undetectable, albeit gentle, whisper.
Her face becomes a reflection of a thousand tiny fragments of every light in the room and then slowly shatters and crumbles into the dust of her being as soundless energy. Her hands remain poised on the table as they transmogrify into lifeless prosthetic limbs.
I awake to the sound of my own dream self’s piercing scream and my mind becomes engulfed by several injected swords of pain and I want to cry as hard as any human ever could cry because it is so painful not to be able to access my own mind, my own memories, and my own selfhood. I am mentally parallized, reborn in every new moment with the same biography that never progresses. I am a novel of my own creation attempting to breathe life into a body that refuses to acknowledge it.
My mind operates in very unusual ways. My memories are all scattered sequentially and contain many personal anachronisms of objects and people present in memory settings that do not add up properly. I often confuse my memories with dreams, and thus I am uncomfortable in every waking moment, entirely void of a personal tale which has brought me to the current moment.
It is only in my dreams that I experience the flow of time in a regular pattern. It is the only time I am ever at peace.
My head fell upon the pillow as I fell into a desperate sleep, struggling to obtain my selfhood once again. Perhaps if I can achieve lucidity in a dream than I can exist, completely, in that grander sense of full presence emotionally and intellectually, once again.
A Dream Upon Waking
March 20, 2008 by consciousenergy
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